Brian Jacques not only wrote the Redwall series, he was also a poet. He would occasionally do poetry readings over music which he would present on his radio show Jakestown on BBC Merseyside.
I figured the old boy’s in heaven now, so I drummed up a slideshow of Brian with his reading of his poem “Heaven Is.” Text of the poem is below the video. It’s a brilliant, upbeat, blue-collar vision of what’s beyond the pearly gates…
Heaven Is by Brian Jacques
I imagine heaven to be a place
Where old ladies go ‘round
And employers roam ‘round in a mob
Grabbing older people and sayin’
“Hey lad, ya wanna job?”
Where you can walk in a pub
And sit yourself down
Anytime after half-nine;
And the manager shouts
At twenty to eleven
“No worries! There’s plenty of time!”
Heaven’s a place
Where pensioners have cottages;
Where they’re allowed to own
Ten dogs or ten cats.
And only city planners
Have to live in high-rise flats
Heaven is a place
Where they don’t have Mondays;
And it only rains late at night.
And when two people argue
They always win…
‘cause it turns out, that both of them’s right.
Heaven’s a place
With no alarm clocks;
And twenty seven miles
Of working docks.
Where nobody has to pay fines
For leaving their cars on two yellow lines.
Where both teams are at Wembley every week,
And the kids don’t give their mothers no cheek.
Where everyone has a deep freeze
Full of lobsters and steaks;
And the poor people
Have no bread to eat…‘cause the cupboards are full of cakes!
Yes, I reckon heaven must be a place
Where the street parties last for a year;
And the people say
“Come and sit down, lad.
It doesn’t matter
If you’re not from ‘round here.”